10 years from now.

I was thinking about how will I be 10 years from now. I'll be 29. And i wonder if i will still be kinda lost in life doing nothing. I imagine myself actually droning myself over piles of law suits and cases of different kind. Life would be quite meaningless then. I will be at the office from 9am-5pm doing different kind of endless paperwork. Oh the horror. Or maybe i'll be sitting in court at 5 in the morning waiting for my turn to yell to the judge over whether the husband would be guiltily charged for beating up the wife. He should be anyway. But thats not the point. You'll never know maybe then i'll be happily married and be the tai tai of someone and have two kids and live in a penthouse in somewhere really posh.

But what will life really be ? I can imagine myself having a daughter but not a son (dunno why) and soon i will have to deal with her the same way my mom deals with me now. She'll want to have her own car, her own credit card, shopping sprees with her close mates and soon she'll be getting her heart broken by some bastard or if she is really lucky she might she just be a virgin till she meets the one and only guy and marries him. Shit no, i hope that doesn't happen. It will be such a sad case won't it ? I would let her have all the freedom she wants as long as she knows what the hell is she doing and whether is it wrong or right. O-kay i suddenly sound like Lyndsay Lohan's mom now. But what the heck all mothers want their kid to feel free right ?

Anyways, i'll only have to think about that when i really do have a kid. And maybe that might not even happen when i am 29. The thing is i can't really see how life would be when i am 29. Actually i can't even see what will i be like 5 years from now. All i hope is that i actually already graduated from law school and set foot into some senses. For all i know i am kind of losing my senses now.

So for now i am going to drone myself in law books and graduate and live life to the fullest.
Maybe just maybe i might be one of the biggest attorney in M'sia.

Heck that will so NOT happen.

I was on hiatus because ...

My computer sorta died-ed on me.

The motherboard decided to take its annual leave without giving me notice and the power supply decided to break up with the whole system all of a sudden.

Sighs.

What a unhappy ending it has been. But luckily moi had been a good patch-worker(okay i dunno if this word exist but who cares) and decided to take them to the therapist. The therapist told me that the power supply had actually been shooting zilch and when the whole system had an orgy they weren't satisfied. So he suggested that my computer is better off with a new power supply. And so i listened.

After one week the motherboard suddenly realised its stupidity and decided to come back to work in the system. Luckily it was still under warranty so i forgave its stupidity.

Nope, nothing got pregnant or anything like that because my computer always play safe and practise safe sex. Abstinence its the key of course but sometimes things have urges too.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

I love fairy tales.

Reasons why i hate the bus and how i wish i really have a car.

It didn't occur to me that now my freaking law school is in town i have to take the bus. And the bloody bus in Malaysia is not like how it is in Singapore or the States or Ozzy or anywhere else in the world. It so sucks to be me. I remember there are many few times that i can't stand waiting at the bus stand for so fucking long that instead i took a cab. It cost me at least more than ten freaking bucks to get to law school. Talk about overpriced taxi rates. And the thing is most of the taxi rates are different because of the bloody meter. Some goes extremely fast and before like 2 minutes its already at 5 freaking bucks. Even the meters which i considered *normal* would cost me at the least of 15 bucks and by the end of the month i would probably be able to actually buy a freaking Guess? bag with all that money spent on cabs. So it leave me no choice to take the bus. And its not nice to keep asking the boyfriend if he is free to pick me to college like he is my bloody driver or something. Unless of course he volunteers or insist.

So why do i hate the bus ? Its like asking me to recite ABCs. I have at least a million reason why i hate the bus so i guess i'll just blog about a few that comes across my mind.

1. Imagine having to wait for a freaking bus for at least 20 minutes before it comes under hot hot sun and your eye-liner is running all over your face from the heat. Tell me do you really want to wait after all the mess it had done to the face ? For me, i would really like to say no but i don't have a choice.
*taking the LRT or KTM practically takes forever to reach college so why bother. I don't have all the time in the world.

2. The bus that i take likes to ALWAYS and i mean ALWAYS take a break in front of Sunway Pyramid's bus stop because the bus driver felt like it. That means i have to wait in the bus with my face melting. Not like i douse a whole lot of make-up or anything but still the bus doesn't exactly have the best smell or air-con in the world.

3. The radio keeps on playing some weird arse malaye rock crap. I don't take the same bus everytime but i hear almost the same shit everytime when i do. I think that the law or something prollie impose some kinda by-law on public buses that they must so however irritate passengers to the very max and make them feel nauseas or puke blood. *roll eyes*

4. Theres all sort of weird people on the bus that you'll meet. I once met this really weird guy at the bus stop which tells me in mandarin that he tries to catch me everytime i am at the bus stop and claims that he is a friendly person and would like to get to know me. Like come on. Don't have anything better to do but to pick up chicks at the bus stop is it? *roll eyes* And then there was this other guy that tried to hit on me by using some cheesy line.

"Hi i think you're real cute and maybe you would like to go out for a drink sometime?"
"Excuse me?"
"So your shirt says you're single and is that true?"

*roll eyes here*

"It says *Almost Single* not single and i don't want to go out for a drink with you. Thank you."
"But why?"

*faints emo-ishly*

At this point i walked away but i really wished i had told him ..
"Because get a stupid life and have you actually looked in the mirror lately? If you haven't please do and think carefully before you pluck up anymore stupid courage to ask girls out when you don't know who they are in the first place and oh yea, the bus isn't like the best place to actually pick chicks up."

5. Also i can't stand people that actually like think that the music from their handphones are like the best music on earth to play in the bus. Yeah, i know its better than the malay shitty rock and its Linkin Park or Nickelback or whatsoever but when you're listening to another zillion of another noise in the bus you'll probably get so irritated and want to just smack the shit out of that person who is playing their mp3 from their handphones ever so loudly because they think that they just made the bus feel much better. No, it is not helping and no it never will. It doesn't matter also if your phone is like w800i or n70 or n90. It is just plain annoying.

6. I also hate the fact that the interior of the bus isn't at all nice and the seats are like falling apart and also there are like screws at the edge of where your arm is suppose to be. But of course they don't really care as long as the bus doesn't breakdown or anything it is perfectly fine. *roll eyes* Like seriously try getting on any Metrobus on the road(not the new ones) and try to like the fact that you're in it. I swear when i get on the grounds of where i was suppose to be i couldn't be more glad eventhough i have to walk in my heels. I am seriously glad that i am off the freaking bus.

7. The aircon actually i cannot even consider it as aircon it is more like hot aircon. Ever been into a sauna? Yeah, it feels like that and sometimes you might even feel like your in a tin of sardines or even being cooked in an oven. Try it, its really fun. Maybe can even lose weight or something through all the stuffy-ness. Talk about stuffy-ness i don't even know where to begin.

8. And my most personal reason is - i can't smoke in the bus. Sigh.

9. It smells totally horrible like you're in a fish market or something. Wait, actually its much worse than that but of course i won't digress too much into that. In short it just smells bad.

I have loads of other reasons but i am already too tired of typing a whole long list of whys.
So i might as well just leave it at it is. I am sure one reason is enough for me to hate the bus so why bother anyhows.

*snores*

xoxo

I just realised .. (well not just but it doesn't matter)

So i was saying to the boyfriend that it is finally our like 7 months together and time totally vanishes to nothing. Suddenly i felt kinda weird in the sense that its almost a year that went by after A-levels and everything. Now i am doing my degree. DEGREE ! I still feel kinda inferior by that word. I can already imagine all the stress i am going to be enduring at the end of this year. Shit. If time vanishes that fast i better go hit the books now before it is too late to do anything at all. *roll eyes in panic*

But seriously i have been thinking(well not really) but i am thinking NOW that one year had passed and i haven't really been doing anything have i? *tries thinking really really hard for anything memorable*

Ahh, yes.

2005 in short is topsy-turvy kinda like i was on a roller-coaster. It was scary, exciting, exhilarating, fun, happyfying and tormenting to the stomach.
Yes, it WAS tormenting. I remember what happened in August and what happened after August. But of course there are a few other things that popped in by accident that turned my life back into my own fairyland again.

So what was in August ? Well my birthday was in August and at the end of the month i almost killed myself (like literally), i seriously felt like i wanted to just end my bloody life because i found out my ex-boyfriend cheated found someone else. That was so memorable. I can't believe that was the second time my ex cheated found someone else and i don't know what are these guys still doing around on this world. I just wished seriously that they would just go hump a donkey or something.

Besides that my best friend had a big rumour by her so-called ex boyfriend THE fucker that went about college. And then we had the shitty CIEs examminations. Oh my god it felt like it was never ending.

Before all those i already knew that there was this certain bitch that went around bitching about me too because she thinks that she knows me much better than anyone else. And she meddled in every single bloody thing. And not only that i hate her beyond anything else she had this stupid nerve to like come up to me in clubs and act like she was a freaking posse to me saying that i look prettier and i am better off without the-i-know-who because he was so bloody worthless. Like yea right. I am not THAT stupid to not know anything she was doing behind my back. She wasn't even a friend in the first place. She was only an aquaintance. Her smile is like so fucking fake and like she is this total airhead. So tell me how can anyone not hate her. I am a total bitch and i know that but she is a total bitch and she PRETENDS that she doesn't know that. The biggest denial case person i've ever met.

*breathes in*

And not like that is bad enough i have to find out things which i don't want to know AT ALL after that. After like a whole year of true commitment and after i've decided to start being normal and be friends again with him it all came unraveling again. I found out that i was this total blind girl that didn't know a thing whereas everyone on this planet already knew but me. I can't even begin to describe how fucking tense i was. Seriously. And as days passed by i found out more and more things. And finally i burst. I began to talk about the pass with that certain someone and then i began to fall apart and started this slit the wrist thing which obviously i stopped because it was so god damn stupid to even start killing yourself for some stupid bastard that don't mean a thing anymore.

Yes, i am rambling for god's sake. I am whiny so sue me.

*breaths in even harder now*

But how i wished that i never had been with that certain someone because it nearly totally ruined my life. And sometimes when i look back at it, i've never really been happy because it was tough and everything. His parents was tough and they were never too fond of me because of airhead bitch. She went about telling them this stupid made-up rumour about me which i still haven't forgotten and i still want to slap her everytime i see her only that if i do i might be in serious trouble and probably be fined for it.

I felt so helpless.

And then i went out almost everyday in 2005 neglecting my studies because i couldn't study even if i wanted to. I was too digressed in being stressed out and too shell-shocked because of the little tragedy. I remember i went out nearly everyday shopping and drinking beer and succumbing to lonely dinners all by myself and of course chain-smoking like a chimney. It was so unhealthy.

And then my best friends helped me to get on back to my feet again and i started to go to gym and exercise like crazy to prevent myself from thinking anything stupid. I started to stop being a compulsive shopaholic and stop all my drinking habits and chain-smoking. Not quit smoking entirely just the chain-smoking part. And then i grew like much thinner and everyone started telling me how great i look. For the first time i actually liked myself after so many months of hating myself.

And then i met HIM and everything changed. HIM is now HE and HE is my boyfriend. And everyone else could see how happy i was. I am happy. I am STILL happy. And he loves me for who i am and understands practically everything.

So now from wearing a Large or Medium size i managed to fit into a Small size now and it is really the best feeling in the world. Well other than being able to wake up in my baby's arms and having a whole wad of cash falling in front of me from heaven. *smiles cheesily*

So a whole new me in just a year.
Told you that 2005 is really a cursed year for me. Everything was so out of control. So drama-like. I never would have been on that roller-coaster on the first place if it wasn't because i thought it was love i felt. I just felt a tad stupider after all that. I can't digress everything but thats probably the outline of my life in 2005 and i hated it that much until October.

Then everything fell right back into place.

And then i totally loved my life and myself.

Thanks baby for making a difference in my life and i love you lots.


xoxo

PDA not allowed.

I thought i haven't break any laws in Malaysia until i read this ..

http://www.malaysianbar.org.my/content/view/2695/2/

Sad ?

Intimacy in public apparently isn't consistent in Asian morality.

From this day onwards i shall not PDA in public anymore for fear of being charge of the offence. I shall not go and pandai pandai challenge the law.


*nonsense*

*rolls eyeballs*

I did it again..

Just got home after a session of yam-cha-ing with the two dysfunctional friend, Marc and Ben. Its been such a long freaking time since we hang-ed, just the three of us. I remembered the times where we used to go out every single freaking night to Darus in 15 or Murni in SS2 talking about well, nothing. Just plain, stupid and idiotic don't-make-sense topics. And today we did it again after so long.

Ah, really miss those times where the three of us would sit in one table talking and neither one of us would be listening or one of the other would probably be ignoring each other. It is so US.
Seriously. Eventhough we will be sitting in one table together but we would never get what we would be babbling about and in the end we would just go "huh?!"

Like today.

Ben was talking about some random thingy about something. (See, we never listen to each other.) Marc was going on and on about something else and I was just sipping on my ice tea pretending to ignore their existence.
Babbling includes ass hair,animal sex/mating rituals,prawns are such shitheads and er..other randomness.

What great friends are we.

*snickers*

Other than that my pig and i went to One Utama today. I was suppose to buy like millions of things there but i only got a pair of jeans from Levi's. Its not just a pair of Levi's. Its Ashley from the Red Tab collection. Luv it. It also comes with a free makeover by Lancomè. Available only for Red Tab's newest collection of Ashley and Astrid.

sux.

I hate it when i go shopping and being fickle at the same time. I always have this thought that i might like find something better in the next shop.
So in the end i will only end up with like one item and a headache.

Layan-ed my pig a bit so we went to catch a movie since he was parading through the mall with me the whole day. We couldn't decide to watch either Ice Age 2 or Don't Open Your Eyes.

In the end we watched Don't Open Your Eyes. Overall i thought it was kind of stupid but heck its for laughs anyways. (And they called it the thriller it seems.) *roll eyes sarcastically*

So... i wonder whats in for tomorrow.

I think i better call Sherry sooner or later before she wobble on the next plane back to Penang without seeing her dear cousin,moi.

Of free time and MORE free time.

I have another three days to bum around till my next tutorial. Wonder what shall i do.

My cousin,Sherry called me today and told me she just came down to Kay El. She would of course like to go on some retail therapy with moi in the city of Kay El where you shop until you never stop.

Seriously i hope that i don't see a big zero at the end of the day in my bank account. I seriously have so many things that i eyed on for so long. Damn it, i should stop going out and googling on things i may not need.

But here is prollie a few things that i really really want to get in the mean time.

*A pair of NikeCortez.
- I actually realise i don't need it because it will probably end up like my babyblue NikeAir and my PinkRuby Nikes which is stuck somewhere in my Kingdom of where-the-shoes-never-end.
But of course the battling goes on in my head.
- I will probably need it because it goes nicely with all my casual clothes like my Levi's and my short skirts.

And that is important,no? Mixing and matching is very important in a girl's life. Yes i digress again, IMPORTANT laa.

*That new model of Adidas i saw the other day.
- I need it because everyone needs Adidas right? It goes with EVERYTHING. Besides my blue grafitti Adidas is in a wreck that i shall throw it into the nearest bin.

*New sweat pants and tight tanks.
-Because i am growing fat and i am enrolling in a gym soon with Lisa so it is better if i get a rough of idea of what i should buying to go to gym right? Just in case if my instructor happens to be a awesomely hot guy which happens to be gay so he can always boost my alter-bitchy-ego on how great i look in my hot sweat pants and my tight tank.

*New Guess? bag which i eyed long time ago and that Roxy sling bag.
-Why ? Just because i have this fetish for bags of any kinds and oh, i need that sling bag from Roxy because college started. Doesn't it all make sense? Agree with me so that i would feel much better.

*More and more clothes from MNG,Topshop and Miss Selfridge and did i mention i also reserved a couple of clothes which is still stuck in M%Industrie.
- Everyone wear clothes right and i can't be expecting myself to wear the same clothes throughout the whole year so that is the most valid excuse i've heard myself say in a long long time. Actually it is not even an excuse its more of a statement of fact. *i am so emo*

*New Levi's Red Tab jeans.
-Now that i am finally losing weight *grins glefully* i can .. *need i say more?*

*New saucy,hot and sexy lingerie.
-Because the boyfriend loves it and i would really love to feel sexy once in a while.

O-kay i have more but i think i am going over the board. So i shall stop babbling and continue to check-list everything that i NEED to buy and i have to so think of a way to use up that Rm50 voucher i have from Parkson.

If people think that i am considered as a shopaholic i think if they met Lisa and Reen they probably think that i am actually sane considering the fact that Lisa and Reen are like compulsive shopaholics. Their shopping habits is so overwhelming that retail therapy does not actually exist in their dictionary.

They go shopping before class and after class. During class sometimes too.

Talk about streaks of insanity.

My brains are disorientated.

Like seriously.

Today after so long i finally went back to college and it felt very.. familiar. Like duh. But that isn't the point. I was sitting down there thinking "Am i seriously doing my intermediate now or am i still in a-levels? ". Come to think of it, that thought is plain stupid.

I graduated from a-levels few months now and i have to really accept the fact that i am actually growing up and becoming a better person (or not). Watever.

Oh god. Is this what people think when they get older? But i'm not OLD.

I'm only 19 for God's sake.

So cheesy eh ?

First class today and i am already hating it. Was listening to pubic public law and crime today and it all sums up to one thing. Intermediate sucks. Plain sucky. I missed out a whole lot of shit and the lecturers are plain confusing as they put it that way themselves.

The funniest thing i ever heard today isn't from any of my chicks but from my crime lecturer.

"Are you getting me ?"
*An angel must have been passing the class because everyone fell silent*

"I am glad you're confused."
Like .. W H A T ??!

"It's good you're confused because it means you're actually thinking and digesting the information i just said .. yoda yoda yoda yack yack yack."
WHAT the FUCK ?

Anyways i get the picture. I might be confused but not by the facts of the law but by the lecturer twisting the facts of the law.

Why am i doing this to myself ?

*sighies*

:edit:

I shall now always remember to never talk about SEX so loudly and openly in public because the homeless people can actually hear you.

Long story short.

Lisa,Reen and I were babbling non-stop basically mostly about Reen's bee-yoo-ti-ful sex life so loudly and then there was this homeless auntie that sat right behind me on the floor at the place we yum-chaed and fell silent. Being moronic as we were we still kept talking *talk about stupid-ness* and talking and talking. Before we left Reen got out some change to give to the homeless lady and she spoke out in fluent English to us.

"All you girl's second toes are longer than your first because in your life you are always helping other people."

That was what she said.
I was like amused and bewildered at the fact that she might was actually listening to our whole conversation.

So Lisa,Reen and I swore to hopefully never ever see her again.

*conversation was about garters,corsets,stilleto heels,orgasms,FAKE orgasms and the like.

So embarassing i must say.

*double sighies*

- x o x o -

New beginning.

Its always a new beginning when one starts a blog aye ?

Well it is a new beginning for a confessionist of an emotionally jeopardized girl.

Will continue soon.