I just realised .. (well not just but it doesn't matter)

So i was saying to the boyfriend that it is finally our like 7 months together and time totally vanishes to nothing. Suddenly i felt kinda weird in the sense that its almost a year that went by after A-levels and everything. Now i am doing my degree. DEGREE ! I still feel kinda inferior by that word. I can already imagine all the stress i am going to be enduring at the end of this year. Shit. If time vanishes that fast i better go hit the books now before it is too late to do anything at all. *roll eyes in panic*

But seriously i have been thinking(well not really) but i am thinking NOW that one year had passed and i haven't really been doing anything have i? *tries thinking really really hard for anything memorable*

Ahh, yes.

2005 in short is topsy-turvy kinda like i was on a roller-coaster. It was scary, exciting, exhilarating, fun, happyfying and tormenting to the stomach.
Yes, it WAS tormenting. I remember what happened in August and what happened after August. But of course there are a few other things that popped in by accident that turned my life back into my own fairyland again.

So what was in August ? Well my birthday was in August and at the end of the month i almost killed myself (like literally), i seriously felt like i wanted to just end my bloody life because i found out my ex-boyfriend cheated found someone else. That was so memorable. I can't believe that was the second time my ex cheated found someone else and i don't know what are these guys still doing around on this world. I just wished seriously that they would just go hump a donkey or something.

Besides that my best friend had a big rumour by her so-called ex boyfriend THE fucker that went about college. And then we had the shitty CIEs examminations. Oh my god it felt like it was never ending.

Before all those i already knew that there was this certain bitch that went around bitching about me too because she thinks that she knows me much better than anyone else. And she meddled in every single bloody thing. And not only that i hate her beyond anything else she had this stupid nerve to like come up to me in clubs and act like she was a freaking posse to me saying that i look prettier and i am better off without the-i-know-who because he was so bloody worthless. Like yea right. I am not THAT stupid to not know anything she was doing behind my back. She wasn't even a friend in the first place. She was only an aquaintance. Her smile is like so fucking fake and like she is this total airhead. So tell me how can anyone not hate her. I am a total bitch and i know that but she is a total bitch and she PRETENDS that she doesn't know that. The biggest denial case person i've ever met.

*breathes in*

And not like that is bad enough i have to find out things which i don't want to know AT ALL after that. After like a whole year of true commitment and after i've decided to start being normal and be friends again with him it all came unraveling again. I found out that i was this total blind girl that didn't know a thing whereas everyone on this planet already knew but me. I can't even begin to describe how fucking tense i was. Seriously. And as days passed by i found out more and more things. And finally i burst. I began to talk about the pass with that certain someone and then i began to fall apart and started this slit the wrist thing which obviously i stopped because it was so god damn stupid to even start killing yourself for some stupid bastard that don't mean a thing anymore.

Yes, i am rambling for god's sake. I am whiny so sue me.

*breaths in even harder now*

But how i wished that i never had been with that certain someone because it nearly totally ruined my life. And sometimes when i look back at it, i've never really been happy because it was tough and everything. His parents was tough and they were never too fond of me because of airhead bitch. She went about telling them this stupid made-up rumour about me which i still haven't forgotten and i still want to slap her everytime i see her only that if i do i might be in serious trouble and probably be fined for it.

I felt so helpless.

And then i went out almost everyday in 2005 neglecting my studies because i couldn't study even if i wanted to. I was too digressed in being stressed out and too shell-shocked because of the little tragedy. I remember i went out nearly everyday shopping and drinking beer and succumbing to lonely dinners all by myself and of course chain-smoking like a chimney. It was so unhealthy.

And then my best friends helped me to get on back to my feet again and i started to go to gym and exercise like crazy to prevent myself from thinking anything stupid. I started to stop being a compulsive shopaholic and stop all my drinking habits and chain-smoking. Not quit smoking entirely just the chain-smoking part. And then i grew like much thinner and everyone started telling me how great i look. For the first time i actually liked myself after so many months of hating myself.

And then i met HIM and everything changed. HIM is now HE and HE is my boyfriend. And everyone else could see how happy i was. I am happy. I am STILL happy. And he loves me for who i am and understands practically everything.

So now from wearing a Large or Medium size i managed to fit into a Small size now and it is really the best feeling in the world. Well other than being able to wake up in my baby's arms and having a whole wad of cash falling in front of me from heaven. *smiles cheesily*

So a whole new me in just a year.
Told you that 2005 is really a cursed year for me. Everything was so out of control. So drama-like. I never would have been on that roller-coaster on the first place if it wasn't because i thought it was love i felt. I just felt a tad stupider after all that. I can't digress everything but thats probably the outline of my life in 2005 and i hated it that much until October.

Then everything fell right back into place.

And then i totally loved my life and myself.

Thanks baby for making a difference in my life and i love you lots.


xoxo