Ironic

There's always a part in all of us that people that once loved us before will always stay. They're like long gone fingerprints left on the tips of our own fingers which we sometimes will rub against and feel the sensation of what was there before. Love isn't something simple or easily described. Everyone goes through it and not realising what kind of outcome it might bring. Some endings may be happy some may not be. Most of the time we're just plainly hurt. I for one is not being cynical just moderately unhappy with how things may turn out to be sometimes.

Sometimes i wonder to myself how does two people really fall in love or what makes them fall out of love then ? Then i realise that there isn't an explanation to it. It just happens. Its as if its the most natural thing to do. The important thing remains being who are we really falling in love with and is it worth the love we are going to give.

It does not take two to tango most of the time because there will always be one person loving the other without being loved in return. But i admire these people because they never really expect anything in return and no matter how much of a love they are giving or sacrificing for that person it does not matter to them because at that time they know the smile that can be brought upon their face is what matters the most to them. I really do admire these people who can constantly love a person for as long as they do until one day they realise that its probably time to stop. That's when the other person tend to feel the emptiness.

And all these nights of loneliness its only the emptiness i feel from the person that i once loved for so long and so deep. Sometimes i wonder to myself how did i lose all sense of belonging and not wanting to be in the story anymore. Its hard to imagine my life without him before this time and now i'm here i realised it isn't that hard really. But what ticks the most is not why but how..
His fingerprints has left a burnt mark on mine and when i ponder about it i feel the burning pain deep inside but its not the sense of belonging anymore, its just isn't the same anymore. And that hurts more than anything because once upon a time i felt so much overpowering of care and protection and now what's left are only the pieces of it.

After all that nights i know i am moving on. Slowly but i am. No more tears would be my first goal and no more putting the blame on myself on how all these happened would come then.

I don't want you to be a security blanket which i cover myself with every night. I don't want you to be someone that would just fill the gaps of the person that was once there but most of all i don't want to know if this isn't what i really what i truly feel for you because i know i want it more than anything for you to be someone that could show me the way again. I want to be in love again but not right now. I need time and i hope that you'd be my time for now and in the future.

Some things may not change most of the time but it alters or moulds to a person's life and changes it forever.

You said that if i cried you'd be the one trying to understand me and cry with me but try your very best to make me smile again because i deserve the best.

Guess what ?
I guess you changed my life without knowing it and eventhough he may be a part of me that will always and forever be there but you'd be the next part that i will never know unless and until i give you that chance.

And that chance would come but i need more time to walk away from these scars first.