Shifted!

Hello!

I have moved to ....

http://missboohazel.vox.com/

Please refer there for more er.. rants.

:p

Cya !

Blog will be redundant till the 9th of June!

What else ?

Am having my finals till then.. wish me luck!

I hate this and i just want it to be over.

Learning chinese 101

This is what i wrote to him the other day while we were both studying at his college ..

It says Joshua Chiang i love you.. do you love me ?

Har har yea i know i'm lame laaa but i was bored ok.

And i so don't know how to write chinese la, never been to a chinese school and can't even speak it to save my life ..

And this is what he replied "You are .. ?"

This fella damn smart. Wanted to write who are you but dunno how to write who in chinese.

Then i replied by putting the :( face cos i dunno how to reply laar..

Then he wrote.. "You are :(?"

Damn geram so i wrote.. "I am your girlfriend laah.."

And then he replied some super canggih shit which i dunno..

Apparently it says "When was this or something.. "

Then me being the smartie pants wrote our anniversary date and he asked "Really ?"

:)

Yeah, i know damn lame can die dot com.

I was bored ok.. I mean look at my face lah ..

OMFG, i'm so clueless about everything and already so sick of studying.

Sobs. Please kill me now.

Just because =)

Was in a whole lotta stressfulness and having some stupid perpetual back pains last week (pms!) and then went clubbing on Thursday and some fat biatch stepped on my poor feet. I've got a bruise the shape of a heel now.. And today i have some major super damn pain can die dot com cramping goin on. Been bedridden the whole day. Seriously i felt like i was gonna die.

And then last night he said that he wanted to talk about some "stuff" and i was like thinking damn i really don't need this right now.. although he ensured me it was nothing and he just wanted to talk about it.

You can't imagine what kinda stuff went thru my head..

But at the end of the nite.. he presented me with 57 of these ..

... just to make me feel better.

Thanks dear.. i love it =)

p/s : no idea why its 57. just some random pick. haha

Crazy

God every thing's been crazy over the past few months.

Been like tying up loose ends every now and then before it comes unraveling again.

Sigh, uni is a bitch. My finals are in June and i haven't started shit. I'm wondering where do i freaking find the strength right now. Sigh sigh sigh.

I wish i have more time in a day but then again if i do.. i'd prollie sleep more. HAHA

Gee, i'm so messed up i don't even know what i'm rambling on about.

Anyhows just a lil update for everyone to know that i'm still alive just six feet under books and stress.

It'll be a miracle if i don't collapse.

God i miss everyone and i miss the partying days.

Sigh, life's crazy.

Random updates

Okays i realised it's been a freaking long time since I've update this dusty abandoned blog.

Anyhows here are some random updates in random order..

*went to JayChou's concert!! oh god, i'm still estactic over it and everyone is so not going to hear the end of it until his next concert in M'sia. *haha*
*met someone new which i'm really happy with
*went through some rough moments which i'm glad that its over but even so memories of it will still linger always somewhere in my mind
*gonna go through a whole hurricane and thunder in may and june cos of the final examinations
*celebrated a wonderful valentine's day and believe that whatever you want will just pop out around the corner like literally *grins*
*celebrated a great chinese new year with the ones i heart at Ipoh and never had so much fun just sitting and eating and laughing about our good old times
*grown fat cos of all the freaking food!
*cried a million times cos of some emotional turmoil
*met new friends
*went on silly spontaneous road trips with close friends to PD and Malacca
*went through a tough break up and am slowing getting back on my feet
*procrastinated like crazy and my fucken exams is like 3months away
*went partying like mad
*grew closer with people i love

Okay, my brains are not working at the moment now cos its fucking 5am and all Reen and i can do online right now is bitch about how the exams are nearing and we're still procrastinating like mad.

We talked about how its happening again to us like this time last year and we're so gonna forget about this important and deep conversation of how we're dying inside tomorrow.

I think i should cut off all social contact with humans at the moment and concentrate on my books and by the end of June when its all over, i'd probably have no friends left except for Reen.

Sigh, its us again Reen.

Ironic

There's always a part in all of us that people that once loved us before will always stay. They're like long gone fingerprints left on the tips of our own fingers which we sometimes will rub against and feel the sensation of what was there before. Love isn't something simple or easily described. Everyone goes through it and not realising what kind of outcome it might bring. Some endings may be happy some may not be. Most of the time we're just plainly hurt. I for one is not being cynical just moderately unhappy with how things may turn out to be sometimes.

Sometimes i wonder to myself how does two people really fall in love or what makes them fall out of love then ? Then i realise that there isn't an explanation to it. It just happens. Its as if its the most natural thing to do. The important thing remains being who are we really falling in love with and is it worth the love we are going to give.

It does not take two to tango most of the time because there will always be one person loving the other without being loved in return. But i admire these people because they never really expect anything in return and no matter how much of a love they are giving or sacrificing for that person it does not matter to them because at that time they know the smile that can be brought upon their face is what matters the most to them. I really do admire these people who can constantly love a person for as long as they do until one day they realise that its probably time to stop. That's when the other person tend to feel the emptiness.

And all these nights of loneliness its only the emptiness i feel from the person that i once loved for so long and so deep. Sometimes i wonder to myself how did i lose all sense of belonging and not wanting to be in the story anymore. Its hard to imagine my life without him before this time and now i'm here i realised it isn't that hard really. But what ticks the most is not why but how..
His fingerprints has left a burnt mark on mine and when i ponder about it i feel the burning pain deep inside but its not the sense of belonging anymore, its just isn't the same anymore. And that hurts more than anything because once upon a time i felt so much overpowering of care and protection and now what's left are only the pieces of it.

After all that nights i know i am moving on. Slowly but i am. No more tears would be my first goal and no more putting the blame on myself on how all these happened would come then.

I don't want you to be a security blanket which i cover myself with every night. I don't want you to be someone that would just fill the gaps of the person that was once there but most of all i don't want to know if this isn't what i really what i truly feel for you because i know i want it more than anything for you to be someone that could show me the way again. I want to be in love again but not right now. I need time and i hope that you'd be my time for now and in the future.

Some things may not change most of the time but it alters or moulds to a person's life and changes it forever.

You said that if i cried you'd be the one trying to understand me and cry with me but try your very best to make me smile again because i deserve the best.

Guess what ?
I guess you changed my life without knowing it and eventhough he may be a part of me that will always and forever be there but you'd be the next part that i will never know unless and until i give you that chance.

And that chance would come but i need more time to walk away from these scars first.